Breaking Up With Someone You Love
It might just be the most difficult thing in the world, but if you want to know how to go about breaking up with someone you love, I’ll let you in on it. I don’t know and I don’t want to assume what your reasons for taking this decision might be, but it will bring a lot of sorrow to your partner. Make sure you accept and come to peace with that fact. You yourself should get as comfortable as you can with the idea that it’s over and you will not see that person as much as you did, you won’t spend all that time together and all the plans you made as a couple will turn to dust. If you’ve put all these things into a balance with the things that you find dissatisfying about your relationship and you came to the conclusion that the latter weigh more, then I guess you should really go through with it. For advice on how to accomplish it as painless as humanly possible, read carefully onward.
1. Don’t linger in your decision. Once you’ve made up your mind that you’re breaking up with someone you love, don’t be a chicken and postpone the confessing. You don’t want to be a hypocrite, do you? You should be completely honest with your partner, let them know that from your perspective it’s not working anymore and that you think it is past fixable. Don’t try to sweeten it, but don’t be brutal either, find some middle ground and remember that the main objective is getting understood clearly.
2. Be patient and try to foresee all possible reactions. When you are breaking up with someone you love, you must be prepared for everything: from tears and sadness to getting really hysterical and starting to throw things in order to smash them. So try to understand that what your partner is going through is really shocking and painful and that you would be probably reacting the same way. Let them take the steam off and after they’re done wait for them to cool off and them offer your reasons in full.
3. Offer complete argumentations. When you put someone you really care about through this kind of misery, you should really have some solid reasons. Make sure you expose them logically and in full, calmly and without any sign of grudge. Tell your partner why exactly you think it can’t go on, why you have no future together. It may take a while, but you have to be in this conversation as long as you have to because your partner can’t leave the room without fully comprehending everything.
4. Embrace the concept of space. After the first heated discussion, you will both need some time to cool off. It would only be ideal if you keep out of touch with each other just so that the idea can sink in and that you will get a very eloquent picture of how your life is going to be from now on. However, if you are also living together, then it’s a completely different story.
5. Don’t rush your partner out the door. It must be unimaginably hard breaking up with someone you love whom you also share an apartment with. Things might get really ugly and nasty. You have to decide who leaves and who stays, you have to divide your belongings and maybe even cut the dog in two (a bit of dark humor, I apologize). The right thing to do is to wait for your partner to take a decision and never try to pressure them into leaving. They can stay as much as they like to adjust to the new situation and then talk about it together.
6. Friends, but not right away. Even if you’ve thought about it for a while and you came to peace that breaking up with someone you love was, ultimately, the right thing to do, don’t suggest that you should become close friends right away. It’s simply not possible to get over a huge open wound that quickly. You need to give your partner some time to heal and then try to be friends.
7. Keep a luminous perspective. Whatever the reasons behind the breakup, when your partner is ready for another kind of conversation (a more detached kind) you should try to point out to them all the wonderful qualities they have which made you fell in love with them in the first place. Always try to give them confidence and assurance about the future, let them know that they will find someone new, someone they’ll be more compatible with.
These were the main pointers you should keep in mind if you’re planning on breaking up with someone you love. But no matter what your reasons are, think it through and if you see any way for salvaging your relationship, then do it.
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