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‘Society’ Category

Awesome Jokes

I think every day of your life would be lighter and happier if you heard some awesome jokes. Do not underestimate the power of this laugh-inducing med...

I think every day of your life would be lighter and happier if you heard some awesome jokes. Do not underestimate the power of this laugh-inducing medicine. Instead of being gloomy and worried, you could laugh and feel good. It is all up to you and how you make up your mind. First of all, I know there are plenty of serious matters you can’t laugh at, but think of those work details that really piss you off or all those negative emotions you let out when you are enraged by your PC. You wreck your nerves too much for too little as in: “For every minute you stay angry, you give up 60 seconds of your peace of mind.” So, without further ado, here are some brilliantly simple, yet brilliantly awesome jokes to start the day with.

1. The silly kind of awesome jokes. This category fits plenty of examples such as: “What kind of guns do bees use? Bee Bee guns!”. Another amusing treat: “Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling a bit crummy.” These harmless jokes are ideal to entertain the little ones as they contain no foul mouthed expressions, nor do they need a vastly superior understanding of the world.

2. Play on words. For example “What’s the ideal method to carve wood? Whittle by whittle…”. Another rather witty example is: “Why isn’t it a good idea to write with a broken pencil? Because it is point-less!”. I have more where those came from such as: “Why is a Moon rock so much cooler than an Earth rock? Because it is just a little meteor.” These examples given here are just the tip of the iceberg, there are plenty more where these came from. I appreciate their wit and humor and most of all I enjoy them because they are not racist or do not comment on ideologies, they are not sexist or bias, this is an accepting kind of warm humor.

3. Absurd awesome jokes. Like: “What do you call it when a Tyrannosaurus is involved in a car accident? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!”. Or I have another one: “What is invisible and smells carrot-flavored? The farts of tiny white rabbits.” I think this is my favorite kind of humor because it mixes up elements from our down-to-earth bland reality with the most bizarre and extraordinary elements from a fairy tale alternative reality. It is playful humor at its best.

4. Jokes which start predictably, but end surprisingly: “A duck walks into a bar and the bartender asks What shall it be? The duck says nothing because, as being a duck, it wasn’t endowed with speech”. I must confess that this type of humor was only discovered recently, as it seems to play on the scenarios that you are already used to. For example, if a certain pattern was encrypted in your head, it is much easier to change the ending and by flipping the meaning to get an extraordinary effect: “Knock, knock! / Come in!”.

5. Upside down logic. You know those awesome jokes that follow a logical pattern, but not necessarily human logic? Like: “Why oh why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate (8) nine.” I have another one that plays on religion a bit, but it is nothing offensive so I took the liberty the put it in: “What did the Buddhist say to the guy at the hot dog stand? / Make me one with everything!”

6. Referential jokes. Wow, there has literally been a flood of these running around. Why? Because everybody, especially teenagers, are crazy about pop culture: facts, trivia, and gossip, anything they can get their hands on. One suggestive example: “How did Darth Vader find out what Luke got him for Christmas? He didn’t have to find out, he just felt it.”

7. The Chuck Norris facts are awesome jokes. The frenzy of the jokes featuring the roundhouse kick expert has been at its peak several years ago, but their value remains undiminished. Just take a peak at these babies: “Chuck Norris rubs two pieces of fire together to make wood.” Or “Chuck Norris is the only man that has the knowledge of how to delete the Recycle bin.” These puns are pretty dry, but if you read several pages of them, they have that cumulative power that will just win you over.

So, this was the best collection of awesome jokes I could find and these speak most to my taste as they are non-offensive and not discriminatory. This is also not crass humor, I am very proud to have made a selection where none of the jokes are dirty. As I said in the beginning, it is very important to remain lighthearted throughout the day and lines like there will surely have the power to break your frown.

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Politically Correct Terms

Maybe you have often asked yourself how come we manage to survive with each other in this magnificently diverse society. The key here is tolerance to all differences. And because in every social circumstance you don’t know who you can offend by saying this or that, a set of neutrally charged terms were invented called politically correct terms. It is the most professional thing you can do; especially in your own working environment to use these politically correct phrases. However, people started to believe that this kind of imposed social etiquette (closely linked to corporate mentality) was rather limiting their ways of expressing themselves so they coined a set of terms that were at the same time perfectly acceptable and enormously ridiculous, just to underline the fact that it is stupid to call a green apple anything but a green apple. In the lines that follow I shall give you some examples and let you decide which are important and which are pointless.

1. “Ethically disoriented” as a euphemism for “dishonest” (a euphemism is a sweetened variation of the actual term you want to use, in some cases, euphemisms can be considered politically correct terms and vice versa). Well, when you do not want to offend somebody by calling them dishonest to their face, you can always use the alternative shown here and it will also sprinkle a bit of irony over the whole situation.

2. “Afro-American” or “person of color” to be used and never “black person”, “nigger” or “drug lord”. This is clearly a topic where it took us too much time to evolve; it took us thousands of years since the invention of speech to stop calling people names because of the color of their skins. Unfortunately this hasn’t stopped completely, but thanks to all the activism and marching for equal rights for all members of the community, we have now a much higher rate of tolerance. It reflects very low of us as a race that we enslaved one another because we thought one skin tone was superior to the other so this matter should never be taken jokingly because of all the pain and history behind it.

3. The various nicknames/euphemisms and politically correct terms for the most abused adjective in history: “fat”. There are several ways you can tell a person he or she is overweight, some aggravate the effect, some downplay it. The list is very long, but here are a few remarkable examples: “differently weighted” is not so popular, but if you want to be cruel to someone, you can use “horizontally challenged/gifted” or “gravitationally challenged”. Also available are “person of mass” or “person of substance” but these are already more subtle.

4. The next adjective that should benefit from the use of politically correct terms is “poor”. You do not want to call somebody that to their face, it is quite unsettling and depressing. So, instead, you can go for more abstract names such as “economically marginalized/unprepared” or the more accessible “monetarily challenged”.

5. Use “asylum seekers” rather than “refugees”, it is the more sensible choice. This is again a real and serious matter so you should treat it accordingly; in this situation a warm heart and a sensitive ear are required.

6. Try not to use “Handicapped” too often, it has a negative connotation. I know it might sound a bit funny, but the politically correct terms used in this circumstance are “Handi-capable” and “differently abled”. And just remember it does not entirely depend on the words you use, but also on the way you say it, you should never use these terms ironically or say them with discontent.

7. Believe it or not, there have been a lot of false politically correct terms (euphemisms) invented for the state of being “dead”, perhaps in the hope of being able to laugh at the most final event of our lives. You can call it “biologically challenged” or “environmentally correct human” (in the sense that we become biodegradable). You can refer to it as “living impaired” or “metabolically challenged” (as in, you no longer have a metabolism) or the more romantic “persons living with entropy”. Entropy is the measure of chaos so you can understand it as you are returning back to the initial state of chaos that you were initially derived from so it truly is very sweet and poetic for a death reference.

The rule of thumb in politically correct terms is that you can take any strong negative adjective and turn it into something milder by adding a positive adjective and the word “challenged” next to it. Several examples: “bald” as “follicularly challenged”, “blind” as “visually challenged”, “midget/dwarf” as “vertically challenged” or “not seeing anyone right know” as “emotionally challenged”. The last one added was a joke, but everything else still applies.

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