At times, our teachings, values, upbringing and even our past can be detrimental to our lives. As we grow up, we take it for granted that the situation will change for good but it does not happen that way. Fear of intimacy is something for which the above mentioned reasons are mostly responsible. Also there are many things that influence our behavior and thinking and the fear can arise from those experiences too.

Let us explore a few.

Sexual abuse

One of the very prominent reasons for the fear of intimacy is to have a wrong sexual experience in the past. People with such a fear are mostly found out to be the victims of sexual abuse early in their childhood. Intimacy becomes a rather traumatic experience for them and they do not find anything worth enjoyment. Such people need loving and understanding partners to heal them mentally and make them come out of their shell. Of course, for a person to heal another one, you need to be honest and courageous enough to let them know what had happened. This part is bit tricky. This is because we tend to blame ourselves for such incidents. The society at large especially the family members make us the cause stating that the incident took place because of our behavior. 

Protective childhood

Fear of intimacy happens mostly in the case of girls as we tend to have a more disciplined upbringing than the boys. Young girls tend to be very close to their mums. That is natural and we all are that way. Well, the trouble starts when this closeness is maintained even after the girl hits the teenager mark. This means that when a girl starts growing up, she has her own dreams, her fantasies and her friends circle. For someone who doesn’t have any of these, it is very natural to have one friend and that is her dearest mom. One ends up being so close to them that developing intimacy with a man becomes a nightmare for them. They cannot imagine in the wildest of dreams a life without their mom. Realizing your folly as a mother when she is married is of no use. One has to realize that to overcome this fear of intimacy with a man; one has to lay the foundation in the childhood itself. Just remember one thing; when she is small, she needs you. Its good to have your girl, be your best friend but it is unhealthy for you to be the centre of her universe.

Too much too early

Sometimes the fear of intimacy develops from the fact that children have seen people close to them especially their parents getting physically intimate that too early in their childhood. A child does not understand that what the act means for his or her parents. The human brain is very impressionable. Whatever we see gets stored. Unlike a computer memory, you cannot press the Shift and Delete keys to permanently remove the data. It is stored and forgotten but the memory comes back when we have a similar experience. Witnessing such a scene makes a child wary of such situations and they tend to steer clear of such situations in the future. One should be very careful before getting intimate. Getting physically close in open rooms may not harm you but fear of intimacy can certainly spoil someone’s life and the others associated closely with it.

Uncommon sexual preferences

A person may also have a fear of intimacy when he or she isn’t straight. When the sexual preferences of a person are uncommon, they tend to limit themselves socially. When they are not able to express it freely and get into a relationship with the opposite sex, they start avoiding getting intimate. The solution is simple. This is a free world. Let the people be free to express the preferences. Being a gay or a lesbian is neither morally nor legally wrong.

To deal with this fear of intimacy, one has to be very careful so that you don’t hurt the sentiments of the person and deal with him patiently. Doing otherwise can make such a person turn rebellious and then it may be difficult to even talk to them. Understand their situation and try to turn them around slowly and steadily.

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