Are you currently experiencing relationship abuse or maybe you are in it but do not recognize it for what it is. Do you know that a lot of people experiencing relationship abuse don’t know, yes, they may feel hurt most of the time, battered, overly controlled and squashed by their abusive spouse but due to some techniques of these offending characters the condition is concealed and not recognized for what it is? What is relationship abuse?  Relationship abuse involves many factors; emotional deception, emotional infidelity, infidelity, insensitivity, excessive control, battering, insults etc. In fact anything that constantly brings you hurt, pain, discomfort can be termed as a relationship abuse especially if the offender keeps at it ones to many.

Relationship abuse is addictive, for very foolish reasons that you will get to know later. An abusive relationship will definitely not grow though there are records of few that actually last long but a careful look shows reason that bothers more on fear, lose of will, low self esteem, complexity, insecurity instead of love, maturity and other traits that helps relationship grows. If an abusive spouse is given a free reign he/she will dominate the home and raise rebellious children that will continue the vicious circle. So because parenting affects not only the immediate family but the nation as a whole, relationship abuse is therefore an evil that must be discouraged.

Definition And Effects Of Relationship Abuse

Who do you think is been abused in a relationship? A relationship can be compared to a human body; an entity that requires care and attention. So like the body if it is abused it will degenerate, fall sick and if care is not given die. An abusive parent is an example of bad parenting. If children are concerned, the spouse alone will not be the only person at risk; the innocent children borne into the family will also be at the receiving end. Relationships run by the gun are usually retarded, weak, lacking ethics; a no condition to raise children. When this happens the family not only suffers, the society at large also suffers too because the children due to bad parenting grows into a rebellious person who gives nothing but trouble to the family and the society at large. Apart from this another evil effect of abusive relationship is divorce.

Abuse in marriage constitutes major reasons why couples dissolve their wedding vows and that is if the victims wake up on time to smell the cookies; some victims waste as long as never allowing themselves to become a playground for manipulations and abuse in the name of “I cannot do without you”. Should separation or divorce be the solution to relationship abuse? In marriage settings the answer is no, it shouldn’t though separation is called for; time to sort out your life look for solutions, yes solutions, your abusive spouse needs help and the idea of separation is to enable you provide that help while saving your life. Anyway, this is a discussion for another day. Do you know that most people leaving in an abusive relationship do not recognize it as such? Below are some identifiers that signal an abusive relationship.

How To Identify An Abusive Relationship

1.                  They follow a regular pattern like a vicious circle following stages like:

i.                    Guilt; the abuser feels guilty not due to his action but due to the possible outcome he/she is likely to face.

ii.                 Abuse; relationship abuse often take this pattern: physical, sexual, emotional, financial abuse.

iii.               Validation; he/she tries to justify their actions and even end up blaming the poor victim; God help it if the victim has already developed low self esteem and complex he/she will likely fall for the abuser false rationalization believing they (not the victim) are the reason for the relationship abuse, what a double calamity!

iv.               Another identifier is False Normalcy; the abuser often times declares his/her desires to continue in the relationship under false pretence like love, dependency on the victim and thus apologize; sometimes ignores past behavior and claim to have changed.

v.                  Illusive planning: Talks about his/her plan for the relationship often after a round of abusive session just to calm his prey for another day or time of abuse

If you are receiving all or few of the treatments mentioned above in your relationship, please do know that you are a sure victim of abuse. However it is not you fault and you shouldn’t blame yourself; you don’t even have time for self reproach because your life may be in danger call 911 or contact the National domestic violence for assistance.

Relationship abuse can happen to anyone because the person you believed love you so much can end up becoming abusive especially after marriage. If you are consistently exposed to a particular pattern of abuse, your spouse consistently apologize for a particular wrong, physically, financially, emotionally abuse you etc, is an indication that you are in an abusive relationship and need help ASAP.

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