Parents who are divorced or whose marital union has been terminated normally find it difficult to enforce discipline on their children. Most of the...
Parents who are divorced or whose marital union has been terminated normally find it difficult to enforce discipline on their children. Most of them are not willing to discipline a child who is facing the trauma of not living with both of the parents. There are some that find it difficult to enforce discipline because they are psychologically exhausted. They are also battling with the emotional effects of passing through divorce. Besides this, children whose parents are divorced have two different sets of house rules to obey. But there is always the need to be consistent and stable with these rules. Here are some tips to apply in order to enforce discipline after divorce.
· Decide how to work together with your ex
You should practice teamwork with your ex. You and your ex need to work together. So, it is important that you discuss with your ex in order to determine how to work closely. There are some parents may that see to everything while others will only want to come in when there are big issues such as when a child is bullying other children in the classroom. You should concentrate on your child or children and not on your ex. The best way to achieve this is to see your ex as your business partner. So, decide where to meet with your ex without getting the children involved. Take note of everything you discuss during the meeting.
· Don’t worry if no agreement is reached
Your discussion with your ex may reach deadlock. You may not agree on certain issues such as schedule for homework, house rules and the likes. This should not worry you. You can establish your own house rule. Children can easily obey various house rules under varying environments such as daycare, school, your home, ex’s home, grandma’s home and the likes.
· Be consistent with your rules
Consistency is the key to discipline. You should be firm in your statement and stick to that. Don’t try to bend your rules simply because your ex has a different rule unless you are convinced that his rules are the best. For example, if your ex clean your children room himself but you will want your children to be doing that, simply let them know that in your home, they have to clean their rooms. However, don’t condemn your ex’s house rules.
· Punishment should be housebound
If you have handed down any punishment, you should enforce it by yourself. Don’t expect your ex to enforce any penalty given by you. It is also not good to extend punishment to the house of the ex. If you penalize your child for a wrong doing in your house before a visit to your ex’s house, it is not good to extend the punishment to your ex’s house. The punishment can wait until when you come back to your home unless you agree with your husband on how to go about it.
The above are some tips to apply in order to enforce discipline.
Divorce is a critical issue in marriages that involve children. The experience of divorce can affect a child negatively and can even destroy the child’s world. There are some factors that determine children’s adjustment to life after the separation of their parents. Some of these factors are:
the quality of the relationship of the children with each of the parents before the determination of their marriage
the duration as well as the intensity of the conflict of the parents
the ability of the parents to provide for their needs during the divorce
Children have their unique ways of reacting to divorce depending their age and circumstances. Here are some typical experiences of children whose parents’ marital union have been terminated.
Feelings of abandonment
Children whose parents are legally separated normally worry about their needs. They are apprehensive that their needs will not be taken care. They may feel abandoned and rejected. The problem becomes worse when any of the parents or both of the parents discuss the issue with the children. Such discussion will make them to feel insecure. They are not sure of how their needs will be taken care of or what the future will be.
Feelings of divided loyalties
Children normally have the feelings of divided loyalties if any of the parents is not allowed to see or if they are not allowed to see any of the parents. The problem becomes worst if they are strongly attached to the parent that is not allowed to visit them. They may end up siding one parent when they grow up. If a child takes side with one parent, the feeling of divided loyalty can make some children to have strong hatred for the other parent not sided.
Preoccupation with information
Children whose parents’ marital union is terminated, most of the time try to obtain information about the situation of things at home, how the divorce will affect them, how bad their parents’ relationship is and similar things. There is therefore a need for a more age appropriate and unified communication from the parents.
This normally happens to younger children. They tend to deny the divorce by fantasizing a possible reconciliation of the parents. This experience normally manifests itself in form of storytelling. The children tell stories about how the parents will reconcile or how they will live next door to their father and things like that.
Anger and hostility
There is the tendency of children whose parents are separated to be hostile to other children and the siblings. The hostility can even be extended to the parents. The social relationship with other children is affected.
Poor school performance
There is the tendency for a child whose parents are separated to have low academic performance as a result of the situation of things at home. This is because divorce has some psychological effect on the children which makes it difficult for them to concentrate and listen to their children during classes. This is worst if child’s custody is not given to the parent that helps them with their homework.